Thursday, October 24, 2013

Stepping Up

I'm in the thick of it. This is terrifying! I'm actually stepping up to the plate and talking to other parents. This time last year, preschool drop off was the most terrible time of the day! I didn't want to talk to anyone and when I did it, it was the hardest thing to do. A simple smile, an "uh-huh" or a "hello," was about all I could muster.

Sure I can run a marathon, but talk to people? No way! Too scary!

So hear I am "Daring Greatly" again... When I see an opportunity I'm trying hard to push through it, to talk, to try and connect, and each time it gets a little easier. It started with just saying hello with a smile, to anyone I approached, and slowly a sense of calm has developed. Calm because it's turning into normal, every day sorts of stuff, but also calm because I've become more comfortable with myself; and that in turn grows confidence. I use to be so nervous, talking to other moms, that I would physically shake and quickly look for an exit route.

...{Get me out of here}...

Today, I just focus on being present. I listen to the actual conversation rather than my own self doubting gremlins (that not so nice voice in your head). When I let go a little, the conversation just flows. And maybe it's a little bit of me maturing, too. Heading more into my 30s, perhaps I'm becoming more focused on my own personal goals and on what it is that I want out of life.

Either way I've beaten those nasty drop off gremlins, but they still seem to come around at the end of the day. They try to remind me of how silly I am to think that I could be normal and confident; to actually enjoy who I am. I will beat the night time gremlins down too, it's just gonna take a little more time, a little more effort and a little more understanding on my part.

 ...& Maybe a larger bat...

Yes, this introverted mama will one day step all the way out of her gremlin plastered shell. And even though this is really (Really) tough, I'm so much happier here than where I was last year.

Here's to being a little braver and a little calmer each and every day!

*I am currently reading "I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn't)," by Brene Brown. It's been a big part of my own self growth; it's changing my life. You can find more information by clicking on the beautiful heart link to the right of this post. 

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