Wednesday, October 30, 2013

"I Am Not My Hair..."

"Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now." Mr Rogers

My biggest struggle as a mom: Allowing bear (my oldest) to be exactly who she is. To guide her as she grows, and to let her little soul blossom into the wonderful person that she is meant to be. 

Most mornings bear wants to do everything herself. I frequently ask her if I can do her hair, tie it back in a cute way like most of the girls her age, but bear refuses every single time. 

Today was a one of her class field trips, as soon as we arrived I started to feel a little concerned about her hair. It was a mess. She had brushed it on her own but it still looked like a little bird had found sanctuary in her hair last night and started to build Its own nest. I didn't bother arguing or forcing bear to let me fix it. I didn't want to waste our time fighting, and above all I didn't want to focus our attention on this sort of need for everything to look perfect and put together...

But I struggle with this balance. Yes, we should look nice and put together, but our value shouldn't be placed on how well put together we look. So how do I pass this lesson on to my daughter when I still seem to struggle with it every time I look into the mirror?

As we're getting ready in the mornings, I'm so busy getting us out the door that I don't really take too much time to think about it; until we enter the classroom and I see all the other girls with their hair put together so nicely. 

Fast forward to this morning: we arrive at the dairy farm and my insecurities come pouring out of the car like little clowns in a circus act. I couldn't stop focusing on the birds nest sitting atop bear's little yellow head. I sat with those damn clowns for a while beating myself up and then onto feeling sorry for myself

And then something snapped in me. I started to remind myself of what I truly want for bear, in the grand scope of things. I want her to know that she is valuable and worthy, regardless of  how she looks. I want her to accept herself and I want her to always feel confident enough to be herself. I don't want her to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. I don't want her to think that because her hair is a mess or her clothes aren't perfect that she's not perfect. 

Someday my little girl will be more capable of getting all those nasty knots out but until then It's my job to keep this little bear from turning into a girl who is over obsessed with the blond locks which flowith from her beautiful little head. 

As I kept this personal dialogue going, during the field trip, I was able to let it all go. Once I reminded myself of my goals and my values, I was able to move on, be present, and start talking with some of the other mommies. And before I knew it, bear's hair didn't really look that messy any more. 

I guess changing my perception on the situation also changed the way things looked.

Do you ever feel the same? I'd love to hear your thoughts! Or send me your blog, I'd love to connect!

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