Being a mom is realy hard. In fact some days it's the hardest thing I've ever done. It's draining, repetitive, frustrating and all around tiring. But what I seem to struggle with the most is finding time for myself - how does one find time when there is no time? How does one sit down and relax, read a book, exercise, watch a movie when there's dinner to be made, laundry to be folded, toys to be picked up, pottys to be cleaned...?
Yet even in the hardest moments I still find myself loving every minute of it.
Even in the hardest times, I know this too shall pass.
Just two weeks ago I sat out on my parents patio (we're visiting from SoCal) with a bowl full of ice cream. I had intended to eat it as soon as the kids got down for their naps. It seemed feasible this day, roo went down and then I went on to bear.
Made her lunch and prepped her room and pj's for nap time while she ate.
And somewhere between lunch time and bear's final attempt to keep me from leaving her bedroom, roo woke up...
It had been a full hour all ready and I so desperately wanted to sit down and enjoy that ice cream, but it just wasn't in the cards today.
As roo kicked and babbled in her bed I aggressively scooped my butter pecan out of it's box as if every scoop would send the little one back to bed. No such luck.
I was angry, I felt cheated... so cheated I couldn't even eat my ice cream. I just sat there and stared at it, angrily.
The anger just started to boil and before I knew it I was raising my hands up to smash the bowl on to the patio below...
But caught myself just in time.
If anyone had happened to see me just at the moment for sure they would have thought I was crazy.
So I cried and cried and cried.
And sniffed and sobbed...
Until the moment past.
I quickly ate up my ice cream, cleaned up my bowl and sighed.
I just needed that moment. And the moment had passed. I felt better - I moved on. I picked up roo and we spent the next hour together, happily playing and bouncing, until it was time for another nap again.
And just as I said goodnight.
Bear woke up.