Monday, April 14, 2014

Hope



Learning to be disappointed and be OK with it.

Learning that self worth is not based on other's opinions or actions.

Learning that I am the only one truly in control of my own happiness.

Learning to let go.

Learning to turn a negative experience into a stepping stone for something better.

Learning to be present.

Learning to be exactly who I am.

Learning to create my most meaningful life.

Learning to never give up.


Happy Monday

Have a blessed week!





Friday, April 11, 2014

{Highlight Reel} Two Weeks And Counting..,

It's been over two weeks since I posted my highlights. I guess we've been busy...


A new rose popped up in my garden. Bear and I both agree that it must be Sleeping Beauty's rose - it's certainly fit for a princess!


It was hot last week. We spent a lot of time running through the sprinkler. 


It cooled down just in time for my race. I ran Fallbrook's first annual half marathon last weekend. My two favorite parts were seeing my daughters and husband cheer me on as I ran by, and then the finish line. Oh my goodness, I love a good run!


Painting with bear.


Easter egg hunt. The Easter bunny left our eggs in the yard - our first Easter with a yard!


Easter breakfast: Amazing croissant French toast with carmalized sugar and orange zest on top.


My beach babies making sand angels.

xoxo

Thursday, April 3, 2014

A Perfect Day

Today was perfect. 

We were busy doing things we enjoyed, periodically together and periodically separate, but always side by side.

The girls didn't need TV today, their morning had been perfectly structured, and they were satisfied with how the day was playing out.

While the little one slept, bear and I relaxed out back, reviewing her numbers and letters. Bear in the shade and me warming myself in the sun. 

When the bear had had enough, we sat together, smooshed into one lawn chair, talking. The warm sun still warming me.

Daddy arrived home early. 

Bear and I had moved on to tap dancing and the little one was just beginning to stir. 

It was time for chores. 

The girls moved to play-dough and played quietly in the back yard. The husband and I worked.

When the chores were finished, I took off for a run. When I came back, my two girls had connected their ikea play tunnels to their sleeping bags. Two green and pink tubes extended across the playroom and a muffled voice from inside one of the sleeping bags began to talk.

"I'm in the dirt, mommy! I'm a worm!"

"You are a worm!"

Dinner time. 

The husband and the little one went to our garden to collect our salad, while burgers sizzled on the grill. The girls helped me wash and peel our veggies and life began to slow down for a bit. 


Today we are getting it right - this moment is right - I thought to myself. We don't always get it right, but today, in this sliver of a moment, we are.

We sat down to eat and bear requested to say a prayer.

"Thank you God for this food, for this family, and for camping...

The little ones chomped away, mostly on their veggies, and I certainly couldn't complain. Veggies straight from the garden always seem to be more delectable. 

We ended the day with frozen yogurt. 

The sun was setting, pink and light blue hues stretched across the sky as we drove towards town. The little ones knew they were staying up past their bed time.

Bear and daddy picked their own yogurt from the large industrial-esk machines with the thin white handles. The little one and I shared, she requesting while I manned the handles. 

We quietly sat down together, enjoying our treats. The little one slowly ate, taking the tiniest bites known to man. She had asked for cherry but it was evident that only the vanilla was up to her standards, as she scrapped away any pinkness that cross contaminated her vanilla spoon. 

The sun had set. 

The little ones were ready for bed and without a sound, they crawled out of the van, put on their pjs, brushed their teeth, and went off to bed.

"Goodnight moon. Goodnight house and the red balloon..."

Saturday, March 29, 2014

{Highlight Reel} Simplicity


One more dinner at Stone Brewery & World Bistro. We celebrated a wonderful winter. The girls were pretty silly - I love seeing the happiness in their faces. 

"If you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always look lovely" - Roald Dohl


The little one got her first sleeping bag. My two noodles have barely left their little camping cacoons since the husband set them up. It should be a fun camping trip next week!


Froyo date with my fancy bear on Main Street. We're blessed to live in such a beautiful place. 

Happy Weekend! 

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Carrots (Finding Joy in the Little Moments)

" Ca-wets, mama! Ca-wets!"

Yes, carrots she demanded, at ten in the morning, as it rained outside. I tried to tell her to wait for lunch, but when my little one gets an idea in her head, she's never easily persuaded to let it go

So we strapped our rain shoes on and went outside.

"Wain, mama! Wain!"

I told her I would stay in the garage and watch her while she danced in the rain, but the twinkle in her clear blue eyes kept me from staying still.

The excitement on her face and the pure joy she experiences in moments like these sends me shooting back to my own childhood. I danced with abandon beside her, around our little court yard, as the rain came pouring down. And she was happy.

We eventually made it over to our garden where my husband and children have spent many weekends planting and harvesting our vegetables. 

The little one and I admired all the green leaved bunches, sprouting out of the earth, and I slowly picked two little carrots for the littlest one in my house.

It is these special moments that I don't want to forget. These moments are magical. They are what keeps my mama energy tank going. They keep me present and they keep me alive.

For life is always a bit more joyful and a bit more colorful through the eyes of a child.



Monday, March 24, 2014

{Highlight Reel} Birthday Edition

We've been busy since last Monday. My parents have been in town and this past weekend kicked off my birthday celebrating; because one day of celebrating just isn't enough...


The preppings of a St. Patrick's Day feast.


A trip to the San Diego Zoo. The flamingos are their favorite.


I dressed up for a tea party. Please ignore the mess(eek). I just wanted to show some solid proof that I looked nice this week...


Early birthday celebrating at Stone Brewery. I tried Quail Knots or the first time and they were amazing! 


Wine tasting in Temecula. We saw three wineries total.


At Calloway Winery, with my dad. 

And Happy Birthday to me! 

Xo

Sunday, March 16, 2014

{Highlight Reel} Lego Men, Koi Fish, and the Most Frustrating Place on Earth...



Four score and seven Lego years ago... 

We found all of the Lego men you can collect from the movie; and Let It Go has temporarily been replaced with Everything Is Awesome! 

When I told bear to pick up her Legos last week, her response was: Everything is Not awesome...   


San Juan Mission


The Koi fountain was the highlight. Forget the history and beauty, large fish always trump history... 

We met some old friends at the mission, that was actually the real highlight of the trip. 


Reunited and it feels so... Silly... 


We met my parents at Disney on Thursday and Friday. I spent most of Friday hiding in the hotel closet, trying to get the little one to nap. It was the most frustrating place on earth that day...

Luckily I had my trusty companion. David Sedaris does not disappoint. 

And that's that. 

Happy Week!

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Gratitude


I am asking for gratitude today. I have been stuck in a pretty negative place and I know the only way out is through gratitude.

Once our mind dips into a negative spiral it is really hard to get it to stop. It likes the negativity and feeds on it. Those *gremlins are alive and kicken' it in my mommy exhausted brain.

It all started on Saturday, I had one brief moment of insecurity and it has been a game of dominos ever sense. I kept trying to negotiate with it but the more you fight yourself to stop thinking about something, the more you think about it.

"Don't think about pink elephants!"

Are you thinking about pink elephants?

Of course you are.

But I've cried my tears and it's time to climb out of this hole and reach for gratitude.

What are you grateful for? What are your blessings? It is easy to get carried away with all the things that are going wrong. The minute we chose gratitude, is the minute everything changes.

Gratitude is the moment when God picks me up, wipes my tears, and reminds me that I am exactly where I am suppose to be.

We can either chose to see all that is wrong with the world or we can chose to see all that is right. I chose right. 

I am grateful for this life.

Friday, March 7, 2014

{Highlight Reel} Frozen, Running, and Live Oaks.

Not much happened this week. Bear and I were both sick so we spent more time at the house than usual.

Highlights:


Let It Go

The acceptance speech by the writers of "Let It Go," was so powerful on Sunday night at the Oscers. 

Let It Go has been our national anthem around here since we saw Frozen back in November. It has been a powerful song for me; not only do we frequntly dance around the house to it but it's a favorite on my running playlist. I was so touched by the quote up above. "...never let fear or shame keep you from celebrating the unique people that you are." I want my daughters to know (and live) this message, too.



Registered for my half marathon.



Late afternoon trip to the park. This picture makes me think of the 100 acre woods. 

And that's about it.

Happy Weekend! 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

Lost In Blog Translation

"You don't have to be perfect. Just keep going..."

I don't know what to write this week.

I gave up last week, convinced I needed a break. I chose to spend my free time reading and assumed I would walk away with more inspiration. Titillated with the stories of other fabulous writers, I would land myself a wonderful post to write. Unfortunately that something wonderful has turned into four different rambling drafts. On and on I type, but the words seem to go no where. Letters and paragraphs, chopped up and spliced, with no real story behind them, except nonsense and spelling errors.

I imagine Alice spinning down the rabbit hole, my lost blog posts spiraling with her. A random paragraph jabbing her in the ribcage, a couple of letters betwixt amongst her floating hair, gripping the strands, certain they'll never see the light of day...

My dead end ramblings appear to be coming from my lack of vision for this blog. I really don't know where I'm going with this tiny crevice I've created here on blogger. More than anything, I don't want to give up on it. I promised myself I would stick it through this time, with honesty and openness. 

As I continue to commit myself to writing, I can't help but listen to those *gremlins, those voices in the back of my head, telling me I'm not good enough. They like to sit and pick at me, tell me I'm silly for wasting my time here, and that my writing makes no sense.

The gremlin induced fear sets in before each post and I find myself writing for an imagined audience rather than writing for myself, and that's the real problem. I chose to do this for myself, no one else. But it's hard to put yourself out there when it seems like no one really wants to listen.

And when the gremlin voices start to dissipate, I remind myself that the goal was never to become something big. I simply want a space where I can create and reflect, and maybe if I'm lucky, connect with others who feel the same.

Being the introvert that I am, I need to write. I don't fully understand where I am going or what I am feeling without writing it down. Writing is my way of getting everything out, otherwise it burns inside of me, sucking away at my soul.

Back in college stories pored right out of me, but years away from reading and writing have created an on going struggle. My creative muscles have lost their definition and my writing metabolism is struggling to spring back. The more I read and write, the more things begin to look clearer. Perhaps I needed this week to reevaluate where I am going and what my long term goals are.

So here's to not giving up. Even if no one is reading. Even if all I gain from this blog is the pure satisfaction of creating something of my very own.


Fall down ten times, get up eleven.

And that's all I have to say about that.




















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*Gremelins, though a popular 80s movie, is also a term coined by Brene Brown in her books about shame. It is used to describe the negative voices in our heads that make us believe that we are not good enough. 

Friday, February 28, 2014

{Highlight Reel} Disney, Coffee, and Rain

An impromptu trip to Disney


On our way


Dumbo the Flying Elephant 


Goofy's playground 


Princess Anna


A coffee break

Today it's rain-mageddon, we're avoiding the highways and snuggling up for a long wet weekend. I just hope the rain calms before my long run on Sunday.

Happy Weekend! 

Friday, February 21, 2014

{Highlight Reel} Relaxed At Home

A pleasantly mellow week. We did a lot at home together! When we're home and happy, I feel like I'm getting something right. 

Next week will probably be completely different, but for now I'm patting myself on the back a little bit... 

Here's what we've been up to: 


I started working on a small scarf for bear, using an old sweater of mine.


I inspired bear to work on her own little project with the leftover fabric.


Lunch date diva. 


Picnic lunch: We made muffins and then packed up lunch and headed out for the field across the road. As soon as we settled in, and started reading some Winnie The Pooh, we were overtaken by ants. The picnic was quickly relocated back home. 

We had Mops in Thursday. The little one joined her Moppet friends and I had mommy time - FTW!


Today was ballet. We found out bear's tap routine for her recital is going to be "Fun, Fun, Fun" by Pharrell (woot-woot!) from Despicable Me.

We went home, bought the song, and practiced. And since Friday night is movie and pizza night in our house, we had to watch Despicable Me <insert minion emoji here>. 

I'll leave you with my favorite Pharrell song. Listen and try not to be happy, I dare you!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6Sxv-sUYtM&sns=em

Happy Weekend!  

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

How Running Saved The Momma in Me...

About two years ago, after my second child was born, I was stewing in a serious mess-of-a-fog. Stampeded by the terrible threes and a colicky baby; I was exhausted, tired, and out of shape. From looking into the mirror to looking out at my life - I was a mom zombie, just trying to survive.

Drowning in diapers and tantrums, I was at my lowest of low, struggling to manage life with two very little children.

I didn't want to admit it at the time, but looking back, i'm pretty sure I was suffering from a bit of postpartum depression... 

In an attempt to change things I started going to the gym, but that wasn't   enough. It was as if my body had frozen in time and no eleptical machine was going to zap me back to the present. 

That cloud of fog continued to follow me around, like Eeyore and his gloomy rain cloud...

With the encouragement of my husband, I decided to begin training for a marathon; things began to change. 

Slowly, week after week, the running pulled me out from the fog -- It pulled me out from my darkest of places. It brought the color back into my heart. It showed me how amazing life can really be. 

Most importantly, it showed me how to enjoy the journey, because life is the journey -- The ups and the downs, the hard moments and the simple ones, the mediocrity and the extraordinary.  

And, for when I feel like I have no control, when I feel worn out from the day, when I'm sad and broken, and I just want to give in...

I run.

And my run always brings me back. It helps me climb life's hurtles. It helps me reach the mountain tops and the steep hills. It helps me push through the pain, all in the hopes of reaching the other side, stronger than before.

Running: It helps me step out the door when I don't want to. It's the one last whisper, telling me to try again. It's the door to my soul, the door to my faith...

It's putting one foot infront of the other, every single day.

Because that's life. 

That's running.



Friday, February 14, 2014

{Highlight Reel} Favorite Moments

Disney


My photogenic bear


"Sun in my eyes mama
..."

Waiting for Dumbo to start. It never started. That's our luck with Dumbo...





The little one fell asleep so I treated bear to an ice-cream break, by these beauties, to help curb some disappointment. Disney isn't always easy with a two year old sister...


New favorite read: Wild

I'm completely lost -- in a wonderful book wormy sort of way -- in this book.

Nothing makes me happier than a good book to read. 

Valentine's Day!


We made heart brownies on Thursday.


I made the girls heart shaped French toast sandwiches with bananas for breakfast on the big day! They also woke to red balloons all over their floor and a couple of surprises in the kitchen.


At the end of the day we caught a plane drawing hearts in the sky.

Hope you had a good valentine's day! 

Tuesday, February 11, 2014

Confessions of a Chocoholic

Eating healthy - It's a battle!

If I have healthy food prepped and ready to go, I am much more likely to eat it. But there are some days where I only eat whatever I can find to cram in my mouth.

Those are my least favorite days. 

I am certainly making some progress in regards to cutting back on random food cramingness... 

But there's a much bigger problem, which I am not making any improvement with: my chocolate addiction

It's almost impossible for me to go without chocolate after a meal. Or after a stressful moment, or after a content moment, or after a non-content/non-stressful moment... 

Chocolate is life.

Chocolate is heaven in bite size form.

I run for chocolate.


Giving it up completely is not an option. 

I do have a goal though, it's to start having a little bit more, Ahem, control over the amount of chocolate I choose to consume. 

It's been baby steps with everything else. So I expect the same with my chocolate habit.

One chocolate craving at a time, I suppose...

Seeing as it's Valentine's Day this Friday, we are overstocked with chocolate. I also plan on making heart shaped brownies tomorrow, clearly not the best environment for cutting back on my habit.

But I'm hoping I can begin to practice some control and stick to one serving after dinner. 

And maybe just one more serving when the kids are down for bed...

Wish me luck!

Happy Valentine's Day! 

Friday, February 7, 2014

{Highlight Reel} Raising A Sensitive Four Year old

We had another great week. Mostly due to my willingness to make some changes. I was able to let go, again. 

This time I'm letting go of bear. Not physically, or literally, of course... 
But I've come to realize that I've been passing my own fears, my own experiences and my own perceptions onto bear. 

I've realized that I've been so afraid of not making good connections and friendships, in our new town, that I've passed it all onto my little four year old.

It's been the main cause of some of the problems we've been having. 

Bear would cling to me during drop off at school and frequently tantrum on our way to the car, when I picked her up. 

She also struggled with choices and became very moody at times.

I was so defeated by these events, so worn-out and frustrated. I could barely think straight. 

And then - a clearing in the cloud - I heard an old interview on Oprah about the "sensitive child." 

Bear is my sensitive child, just like me, she picks up on all the emotions around her and then internalizes them.

In my 30's, I can sort through my emotions, but a four your old has no idea what all these feelings are. Thus, they come out in clinginess, whines and tantrums.

So this week I let go of bear, as I'm learning that life is a big balance of letting go and holding on. 

In turn, bear had a wonderful week. She's been getting close with another little girl in her class and she's playing really well with her little sister.

And since I wasn't so busy with bear during drop off/pick up, I was able to catch up with the other mommies. Which ment I had a wonderful week, too!

I feel blessed when I am able to open up and see where I'm doing things wrong. It's the first step toward making things better.

And there's nothing wrong with being wrong!

                     {Highlights}

So here she is, with a squirmy four legged, jumping friend. My girls are princesses but they are not afraid of frogs. Even when they're super slimy and icky (I was not as brave...). 

On Wednesday I ran with the little one; she passed out. I got a good workout in & she got a much needed morning nap!  

Thursday the little banana and I attended out first MOPS (mothers of preschoolers). Banana got to hang out with other little bananas while I got to hang out with other mommies. It was amazing and informative and I felt connected. It was great! 

And today it was ballet! 


Happy Birthday to my dad!


Have a wonderful weekend!