Brush Yourself Off!

I posted this picture on instagram yesterday because I finally! realized that for the majority of my life I've been believing what other people think of me. My truth became what other people saw in me because I wasn't confident enough to believe in myself. It wasn't until recently that I realized that my value and worth are not determined by other peoples opinions. When someone fails to see you as worthy, it is because of who they are and how they think, it truly has nothing to do with you.

So I'm getting the message now but I'm struggle to always live it. I care, a lot, with my whole heart, for everyone in my life, but I still struggle with those who refuse to take it, who refuse to just support me, as I am doing my best to support them.

There is a quote I heard on an Oprah show a few months back "We are a ten gallon people dealing with pint size people..." When you offer your ten gallon self to someone who's only got a pint size love tank, that's all you're gonna get ~ so just love 'em as they are, that's all they got!

So maybe it's just excepting that my heart is still going to get crushed by it, but that doesn't mean I'm not worthy. I still frequently hear my inner voice saying, "That's all you got for me? That's it?..." But I can't change people, I can't make them love me, I can't make them respect me, I can't make them do anything. I'll I can do is do my best and except things for the way they are.

And most importantly - no matter how much it hurts - I will continue to keep brushing myself off and keep getting right back up!

Let the love, love, love...

"Happy is the heart that still feels pain

Darkness drains and light will come again

Swing open your chest and let it in

...let the love, love, love begin"

-{Everybody} Ingrid Michaelson

I listen to Pandora frequently and often a song will pop up that hits my soul right in the spot. I've heard this song before and always enjoyed it but this was the first time that I really caught on to the lyrics. And I'm sure there's a reason as to why it hit me when it did ~ because it lifted me up and reminded me of what we all really want: love.

As I continue to listen to the song, I'm reminded that whatever we do, we are always doing it in search of love, in search of acceptance. Sometimes we do things because we're unsure of how to get love and when love isn't the end result we're confused and ashamed. Does that make sense? It's a learning moment for me! When someone treats you bad remember that they're just looking for love too; they're just not sure how to find it. 

So enjoy this song and open yourself up, because everybody wants love!

"I Am Not My Hair..."

"Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now." Mr Rogers

My biggest struggle as a mom: Allowing bear (my oldest) to be exactly who she is. To guide her as she grows, and to let her little soul blossom into the wonderful person that she is meant to be. 

Most mornings bear wants to do everything herself. I frequently ask her if I can do her hair, tie it back in a cute way like most of the girls her age, but bear refuses every single time. 

Today was a one of her class field trips, as soon as we arrived I started to feel a little concerned about her hair. It was a mess. She had brushed it on her own but it still looked like a little bird had found sanctuary in her hair last night and started to build Its own nest. I didn't bother arguing or forcing bear to let me fix it. I didn't want to waste our time fighting, and above all I didn't want to focus our attention on this sort of need for everything to look perfect and put together...

But I struggle with this balance. Yes, we should look nice and put together, but our value shouldn't be placed on how well put together we look. So how do I pass this lesson on to my daughter when I still seem to struggle with it every time I look into the mirror?

As we're getting ready in the mornings, I'm so busy getting us out the door that I don't really take too much time to think about it; until we enter the classroom and I see all the other girls with their hair put together so nicely. 

Fast forward to this morning: we arrive at the dairy farm and my insecurities come pouring out of the car like little clowns in a circus act. I couldn't stop focusing on the birds nest sitting atop bear's little yellow head. I sat with those damn clowns for a while beating myself up and then onto feeling sorry for myself . 

And then something snapped in me. I started to remind myself of what I truly want for bear, in the grand scope of things. I want her to know that she is valuable and worthy, regardless of  how she looks. I want her to accept herself and I want her to always feel confident enough to be herself. I don't want her to get caught up in what everyone else is doing. I don't want her to think that because her hair is a mess or her clothes aren't perfect that she's not perfect. 

Someday my little girl will be more capable of getting all those nasty knots out but until then It's my job to keep this little bear from turning into a girl who is over obsessed with the blond locks which flowith from her beautiful little head. 

As I kept this personal dialogue going, during the field trip, I was able to let it all go. Once I reminded myself of my goals and my values, I was able to move on, be present, and start talking with some of the other mommies. And before I knew it, bear's hair didn't really look that messy any more. 

I guess changing my perception on the situation also changed the way things looked.

Do you ever feel the same? I'd love to hear your thoughts! Or send me your blog, I'd love to connect!

Roar means I love you in dinosaur!

There is a lot on my mind lately as our due date approaches. I'm starting to get nervous, yet at the same time I have a strong feeling of faith that things will all come together as they should. I really just need to relax and be patient.

It is an odd feeling at times to know that you have a child on the way yet the only factual evidence that you have to support this is the bumping inside your tummy, a few ultra sounds and a monthly heart beat heard through the doctors hand held radio-like-machine. Yes, I've bonded with Hannah on some levels but it won't really begin until she gets here. And since bear is one busy munchkin I have a tendency to forget at times that she, soon, will no longer be an only child. It usually hits me like a lightning bolt at random points during the day--a shock or two of nerves--through my heart that this is actually happening... Don't miss understand me though, I want this 100%! With every minuscule part of my entire being! But everything we want in life comes with some stress and hard work.

I am scared that I will not be able to give equal attention to both of my daughters once Hannah arrives. But what scares me most is that bear may some day question how much I love her, as compared with her sister. Inevitably she will get jealous of her sister and I know as Hannah grows she will do the same. There will be fights amongst each other and eventually fights against me.

But as all my best friend always says: "It's baby steps. They don't come out as teenagers, you deal with each little issue as it comes along." 


I know no matter what problem comes our way I will work as hard as I can to fix it. It's hard to remember that no one is perfect. It's facing our problems and working at them that makes things better;  our biggest problems always seem to help us grow, as a person, as a mom.

I have faith that this is exactly how it was always meant to be.

To my two sweet daughters: I hope I can give you everything you ever needed!

xoxo

Happy First Father's Day!

To my daddy-

If I could speak then I would say:

I love you in oh so many ways

And if I could speak I would say:

I love you when you're happy,

I love you when you're silly,

I love you when you smile

and I love you all the way to the Nile!

Daddy,

I love you so much! Because of you, I am the special girl that I am.

Because of you I already love nature, I already love trees! Because of you... I like cheese!

And even though I can't speak just yet, you know it's love that I mean when I snuggle up next to you at the end of the day.

To my owner-

If I could speak then I would say:

Christopher! I love you in so many ways!

I love you when you throw my ball

and I love you when you give me treats

I love you when you come home

and I think about you all day long!

I love you when you run with me

and most of all I love you when you hug me!

And even though I'm super crazy...

I love you most when we eat bacon!

Christopher,

I love you so much because you take care of me. You make sure that I get all of my medicine and you take me to the doctor's when I am sick. You run with me when I am good and you give me lots of human food. I love you because you let me play with my friends at doggie day camp and because sometimes you take me for a hike. I miss you when you are gone! I wait day and night for you to come home because I just love you so! You're my best friend, Chris!

To My husband:

Since I can speak, then I will say:

I love you in so many ways!

I love you because you are tall

I love you because you throw Acadia's ball

I love you because you gave me bear

I love you because she has your hair

I love you when you are asleep

I even love all of your teeth

I love you when you are blue

and I even love your stinkiest shoes.

I love you because you love me

I love you because we have a family.

Chris,

I love you and I hope you have the best father's day! The best that any father has ever had! I hope that every father's day is a very special day for you! I hope at the end of each father's day you think, just before you fall asleep, how amazing the day was and that you feel super loved. We will all work hard to make your day special because we love you so much! I love you!